Transfer Talk: Robin van Persie

It seems that summer happened and everything else comes to a stand still - especially around here. First and foremost we'd like to apologise for the lack of activity on the Colney Chic. There has been a massive amount of travelling in my part, and a lot of Lia things and shenanigans in hers. (You can ask the details of that to her yourself). Euros came and gone, and so did the Olympics. Now here we are closing in to the end of summer and the start of another football season. 

The months between the seasons are often gruelling, but fear not - transfer rumours will relentlessly keep you company whether you like it or not. As expected, one player will sickeningly dominate the transfer activities during the break. Arsenal seems to be quite good at providing said players (see: Cesc Fabregas, Samir Nasri) so why should this year be any different? This summer, we witnessed the classic will-he-won't-he saga provided by the Arsenal frontman and (now ex) Captain, Robin van Persie. 

I have an unhealthy relationship with Robin van Persie. And by relationship, I mean obsession. And by obsession, I mean a sickness. He was plastered on my walls, downloaded to my laptops, and on my lips 24/7 for the past 5 years. Maybe it was the amount of time I spent talking about him to the point of nausea that helped me cope through this summer or maybe it was the fact that I just couldn't care less anymore. Ever since he released that bordering on megalomania statement, I knew I wanted him to pack his shit, give back the keys, and out the door. 

In the words of Whitney Houston: it's not right, but it's okay. 

Now I'm not the football fan blessed with the talent to write a witty thought-provoking article with tactics thrown around like it's Jaeger on a Saturday night, but I'll attempt and give my two cents in the best way I know how. I tend to liken a player's stay at a certain club to a relationship. Many football fans do use this allegory, though I like to think I take it further and better. The Cesc case is easy - he was still head over heels with his first love whose relationship he had ended prematurely, being young. The Samir case was a regrettable one night stand, and Henry's is the 'we know we're each other's love life even if we're not together'.

Robin is the one you waited for so long to be good to you. Robin is the one you loyally stood by while he went out to prove himself a man. Robin is the one who showed you off to his friends and made you sure he was yours. Robin is the one who endlessly hinted a proposal. The one whose closet you dare ransack to prove there's a ring only to realise, he's nothing more than the one that could have been. A dream. A postcard promise. A lie. A disappointment. A waste of time. 

Like the rest of them he leaves you for the neighbourhood whore - famous for all the wrong things. 

These two looks are created inspired by the philosophy of the two reds Robin van Persie has painted his career in. We attempt to embody the spirit of both Arsenal and MU in the context of the transfer through both outfits. The Arsenal look is unique, fashion-forward, and a little on the quirky side. We chose a draped silk dress with a twisted bust that spits out fabric to the knees, calf-hair pumps, and wooden box clutch with a matryoshka as a charming accent. The Man U look is strong, time-tested, and in your face. A rouched snake-skin print lacy dress showing skin in all the desired places, strappy sandals, and a solid black clutch completes the man-catcher look. 

Dress (Arsenal), Prabal Gurung, £789.25

Shoes (Arsenal), Alexandre Birman, £345

Clutch (Arsenal), Charlotte Olympia, £480

Dress (MU), Roberto Cavalli, £1690

Shoes (MU), Rupert Sanderson, £543

Clutch (MU), Bottega Veneta, £1125

Team Togs: Manchester United FC

Let's cross over the channel back to our beloved Premier League to pay homage to a not so beloved team... at least for an Arsenal fan. I didn't find Manchester United particularly difficult to do as its colours and mascot are a great inspiration for a classy S&M chic look. As one of the most successful, if not, the most successful team England has nurtured and yes, it hurts for me to say that - there is no better way than to create a look that features edgy in-your-face pieces that resonates on what the team is all about. In the words of Ben Stiller on Dodgeball: We're better than you, and we know it.

Dubbed the "Red Devils" - Manchester United are certainly aware of their years of hard-earned success though not without its haters. As they say, the more successful you are, the more enemies you'll have. What is most irritating about Man U must be how they've learnt to embrace their haters and while you sit and bitch about their undeserved success, they laugh at your lack of. Gary Neville certainly comes to mind.

The colours of Man U reeks devilish tendencies, but it is easily one of my favourite colour combinations. Both black and red are strong colours that need no accompaniment when used in a solid piece. Combined together, they come to embody mystery, luxury, and controversy laced with evil. The outfit comprises of outstanding pieces that are truly bold in its own, but combined packs a mean punch to your fashion palette.

We are absolutely lusting over this heavy lace skirt in classic Valentino red that so happens to be Manchester red as well. While I attempted to downplay the skirt with a simple jersey tank, I thought why bother when you can pair it with an edgy sheer shirt by quirky Danish designers. My favourite piece however is the embroidered silk cape that reminds you of fabrics you can only find in a Chinese opium den.

Accessories are simple yet statement-making: a classic-shaped clutch in blood red and gold hardware, laced up booties a dominatrix would have on top of her Christmas list, and your classic Hermès collier de chien in full gold and rose and brown diamonds with a price tag as obscene as Sir Alex's mouth.

Cape, Alexander McQueen, £465
Skirt, Valentino, £1335
Blouse, Designers Remix Signature, £333
Clutch, Miu Miu, £450
Shoes, Alexander McQueen, £417.50 (on sale)
Cuff, Hermès, price upon request